When a couple is expecting a baby, they focus on preparing for the arrival. They take classes and register for the world’s cutest gear. Yet, couples often fail to “baby-proof” their relationship for the changes as they transition from partners to parents.
Changes to your relationship are inevitable. The postpartum period is stressful, and partners must prepare for their relationship to change after their baby is born. This is something that should be readily discussed and normalized for all new parents.
Remember that you were two individuals before you became a couple and partners before you became parents. It is important to honor your needs on each of these levels. Any “weak” spots in your relationship will be highlighted during a transitional time like this. As part of your preparation, there are many ways to get support. For example, you can pursue resources, such as books and workshops, that are focused on couples. Some therapists specialize in working with partners during this time.
Here are some tips to help “baby-proof” your relationship:
- Remember, this is not the time for “score-keeping” or comparisons. You are on the same team! The goal is to ensure that the tasks are completed.
- Communication is key, and it should be clear and concise. Don’t expect mind-reading!
- Make specific requests using “I” statements. Do your best to avoid always/never statements.
- Figure out logistics ahead of time where you can. Create a shared doc that contains information regarding doctors, support persons, and favorite take-out meals.
- Create a support network and be clear about what will actually support you. For example, if you want help with cleaning and someone only wants to hold your baby, that is not helpful!
- Overall, when communicating with your support network, utilize language that reflects that you are a team. An example of this is, “We will discuss that and get back to you.”
- In addition, it’s important to assume good intent from your partner. You are both navigating a whole new world and doing it in a sleep-deprived state.
- Finally, consider doing a daily check-in to share your individual highs and lows for the day. This gives partners a chance to evaluate themselves and assess how their partner is managing the transition.
Most of all, maintain a flexible mindset regarding expectations of yourselves and each other. The transition to parenthood is intense, but it will get easier. Starting with a collaborative approach will set you up for success for your whole parenting journey!
