Seekonk Target to Launch Nap Service for Moms

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April 1, 2018

SEEKONK, Ma. – If you’re a tired mom who shops at Target, you may want to head over to the Seekonk location starting next week.

The big-box retailer is rolling out the revolutionary nap time subscription service, RedZzs, in several cities in the coming months. However, the location on Commerce Avenue in Seekonk will be the first to launch on Monday, April 2.

For a monthly fee of $24.99, adult Target customers can take 35-minute naps in soundproof pods. The fitting room desk will now also serve as the RedZzs desk. Customers will simply flash their RedZzs Card and get assigned a Red Pod to take a nap in. The inside of the pod is actually a soothing shade of seafoam green.

While the service is open to any Target customer over the age of 18, it is primarily geared towards exhausted mothers who are aimlessly walking around Target with their young children because if they have to tell Ava one more time to stop using Finn’s face as a coloring book they’re going to snap.

Target Nap Service April Fools' Day Providence Moms Blog Seekonk
Tracy Slater of Attleboro Falls, a mom of three children under age six, has already signed up. “I’m thrilled,” says Slater. “If they put in a wine bar behind Men’s Clothing I might have my mail forwarded there.”

Additional benefits include childcare during the customer’s 35 minutes of shut-eye. Newborns through 4 year-olds will be placed in the carts of other customers while they shop. Five-year-olds and older will stock shelves. The program also offers Bathroom Duty to any children who were particularly mouthy in the car on the way to Target.

“When developing the RedZzs program we considered what Target customers are looking for during their shopping experience,” said Andrew MacNorth, executive vice president and chief marketing officer of the New England region. “Nearly every focus group of moms came to the same conclusion: sleep. In fact, some dozed off during the session.”

Moms looking to sign up for the service can download the RedZzs App from Google Play or the App Store or by logging onto www.aprilfools.com.

Can You Handle an Arctic April?

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Jackie Hennessey

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March 30, 2018

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Have you had it with the cold weather? Spring-time snowstorms? Are you done with shoveling? Farch was not fun. (Farch: When March feels more like February). And I’m definitely not looking forward to an Arctic April. Maybe May will be better and not so bitter. The other morning, I walked outside wearing more layers than Ralphie’s little brother in Christmas Story. I made it to the end of my driveway, in hopes of bringing in the trash cans, but I was so chilled, I immediately turned around and came back inside. I actually skipped walking with my BFF because I was so cold. Sunday is Easter and I am still wearing my boots. IT MAKES NO SENSE. I grew up in Texas and was wearing short sleeves this time of year. (White sandals? Not until after Easter, but short sleeves, yes.)

I realize there’s nothing we can do (or find to wear) to change New England weather in the spring. So why not try to look on the bright side? Before you start throwing frozen snowballs at me, following are some positive things to ponder about the thought of an Arctic April:

1) When it’s cold in April, no one knows how desperately you need a pedicure.
2) There’s no need to expose your Dumb and Dumber toenails until June.
3) If your roots are barking for highlights, you can just put on a hat.
4) You can get away with wearing practically the same outfit every day by simply changing out your scarf.
5) The piles of dog poop you forgot to scoop have turned into hard, odorless poopsicles.
6) There may be spring cleaning inside, but no yard work to do outside (except picking up poopsicles).
7) If you’ve gained weight over the winter, you have more time to get in shape before swimsuit season.
8) Because there’s no yard work to do on the weekends, you can justify binge-watching shows on Hulu while folding laundry.
9) Exercising in the cold helps you burn more calories (along with any feeling in your face).
10) If you’re not in the mood to go for a run, you can easily blame it on the weather.
11) If you forget to shave your legs, no one will know (or care) until the summer!

Easy Baby Journaling: Why I Love Qeepsake to Record My Daughter’s Memories

By

Jane Cole

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March 29, 2018

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qeepsake easy baby journal record child memories Providence Moms Blog — Photo by Tanaphong Toochinda on Unsplash

Do you have a baby book for your child or children? I do! How many of those baby books are filled in? Mine actually is for her first year…but here’s the problem: it asks questions that lead to a book filled with “perfect moments.” A major flaw is that I filled almost the entire thing one night over a bottle of wine. If I’m being honest, it ended up with a ton of fluff. The book paints a picture of an absolutely picture perfect first year, with little to no mention of the complete lack of sleep or her first falls that left two lumps on her head that looked like devil horns. Instead, it highlighted our “perfect” little life. It felt incomplete. But my imperfect moments didn’t fit with any of the book’s questions.

A little over a year ago I discovered text service that I’m obsessed with. Qeepsake is text messaging service that acts as a baby journal. It texts you questions about your child and you text back a response…that’s it! I set mine up to send me questions around 7pm because that’s quiet time when we are watching Minions for the 1,000th time. I love recounting her day or getting to write a short text about something funny she said. The program automatically logs each entry into a journal that you can eventually order a book from.

Qeepsake was featured on Shark Tank, and according to my friend, it “caused a feeding frenzy for the investors.” If you can believe it, even Mr. Wonderful expressed interest! (This would be much more impressive to me if I knew what that meant.) The investors were out of luck that night but the good news for all of us is that exposure has fueled the company and they are expanding services. This small Massachusetts based company is flourishing.

If you have multiple children, Qeepsake will space out questions about each kid depending on how often you sign up for texts, and as long as the child’s name is in the response, it will be logged to that child’s journal. If multiple kids are included in an entry, it logs to both kids. You’ve got to love technology.

The best part of Qeepsake is because they ask all sorts of questions (I have one of the paid versions $36/year, so I get two questions a day) I end up with all sorts of fun stories logged into it. I get to include the “perfect moments” like when she had earned a trip to pick out a toy and she picked out a stuffed animal to bring to my sick aunt to help her “feel better”…and the not so perfect moments when I can write about her struggles with listening to teachers.

I wish I had this text messaging service when she was little and had recorded milestones met or missed. I find myself now trying to recall some of the cute and/or funny moments and working them into entries when I don’t have things to write on a given day. It’s almost become therapeutic for me to pour my anxiety, fear, hopes, dreams, and memories into this little journal. When I do decide to print a book I might need to be selective on my entries to include (I’d hate to expose exactly how crazy her mother is. I’m sure she’ll figure that out on her own during her teen years!)

I’ll be adding this to my idea pool of things to buy expecting moms because let’s face it, no matter if you have one or a ton of kids, those first couple years can be a blur.

Mental Decluttering: Spring Cleaning For Your Mind

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Jessica Johnson

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March 28, 2018

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March has been pretty brutal here in New England — am I right? There have been so many Nor’easters that I am not even sure spring is actually coming anymore. She must be wandering around somewhere confused, lost, her GPS re-calculating.

Meanwhile, I want to do all of the fun spring-y things like put up Easter decorations, plan our garden, and most importantly, spring cleaning. Open windows and warm fresh air circulating inexplicably gives me motivation to organize, clean, and purge. Although a clean house is great (from what I remember), it’s just not warm enough yet for me to pull out the old mop and bucket and catch that spring cleaning motivation.

This got me thinking: maybe these cold spring days can be put to good use by focusing on mental maintenance. I definitely need to get my mind more organized and in working order.

What do I mean? Well, if you could zoom into the recesses of my brain, you would find ideas scattered and cobwebs forming. I keep moving around piles to a different place or putting things where they just don’t belong. There are literal junk drawers forming in my brain, and it is slowing me down. My inability to organize my thoughts is affecting me, so it’s time to make some changes. So this spring, I’m taking some steps to mentally declutter.

Brain Dump

I have recently learned about something called a “Brain Dump.” I have a friend who swears by this. Every morning, she writes down everything that is on her mind. Not necessarily a to-do list; just whatever is occupying most of her brain space that morning. She writes down everything that comes to her mind, whether it makes sense or not, and throws it away when she is finished. The idea is that getting the ideas out on paper frees her from thinking about the same things all day long.

I have tried my hand at this for a solid 4 days in a row now, and although it was difficult at first, I am finding it helpful. Emptying out the things that keep circulating really does help me not to obsess about things that need to get done, or a conversation I need to have, or already had and can’t stop replaying. Think of it like emptying out the junk drawers and sorting through what you need to keep and what you need to throw away.

Using A Nice Planner

Alright, so here comes a confession. Although I used to be a chronic planner buyer but not planner user, this is not the case anymore. A pretty planner changed my life. And you guys, I am one of those crazies with the washi tape and stencils and good pens. It’s almost like my Lisa Frank loving inner-self just needed some fun stickers. Since investing in a pretty planner, I have been actually USING my planner for over a year now. This is revolutionary for me.

If you are in the market for a new planner or think some fun stickers might just keep you motivated enough to continue to use your planner, I suggest you get to Michael’s Craft Store and take your pick. Staying intentional reminds me of organizing the kids’ toys into those cute little square totes. Life without my planner feels like dumping the totes out everywhere- toddler style.

One Hour of Intentional Breathing Space

It is really amazing how little breathing room we are giving ourselves nowadays. For me, social media can be just as noisy as my 4 children. If I don’t carve time out of my day to be alone with my thoughts, I burn out very quickly. In the past, I have participated in media fasts and the like, but the most effective thing I have done was the one hour rule. This spring is the perfect time to implement this again and make sure I am giving myself plenty of space to process.

Going to sleep without giving myself time to process the events of the day gives me the same feeling as leaving the house a complete disaster before laying down for the night. If you are on your media of choice until the moment your head hits the pillow, I am proposing a challenge. One hour before bed, turn off all of your electronic devices. Let’s give ourselves one hour of silence to think, write, and process. One hour to work on deep breathing, prayer, or stretches. Let’s make that hour our own bedtime routine, and see how giving ourselves that space improves our daily mindset.

Readers, I would love to hear about your mental decluttering ideas for spring. Do you have any routines you’d like to share? Let us know in the comments, I’d love to learn from you!

Baby’s First Protest? How to Include Kids in Activism

By

Alana DiMario

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March 27, 2018

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protest kids activism Providence Moms Blog — Photo by James Motter on Unsplash

Whether it is the function of the political climate we are living in, the age of constant information flow that we are exposed to, or the effects of policies that touch our communities and affect the things we care about, civic engagement is on the rise, which is a wonderful thing! As Shay wrote about on the blog recently, parents want to have their voices heard on these issues that matter to them but face a lot of logistical challenges. In addition to reorienting our systems to allow for the voices of mothers to be in The Room Where It Happens, integrating our children in an age-appropriate way into our activism efforts is both a necessity and a benefit.

So how do you involve children in civic action and democratic processes?

Start with age-appropriate basics. It’s important for kids to have the basic framework and context for how our government is supposed to work from casting votes through making laws, and how individual citizens interact with that. Read the Constitution with them, talk about how the amendments came about. Watch Schoolhouse Rock videos on YouTube about the three branches of government and how bills become laws. Anchor your activism efforts within that framework.
Relate your views on politics to values your family has, whether they are rooted in a religious tradition or a secular one. This could be as simple as “we believe that helping other people when we can make us all stronger,” or “we believe that love is love.”
Answer questions honestly, but don’t answer more than they have asked. If you need time to answer a difficult question, tell your child that you want to get the best information for them and make time to come back to their question within a day or so.
Help your child recognize that progress sometimes takes a while. Sometimes children can get discouraged if they become invested in something that doesn’t happen right away (also a good reason to reference back to the frameworks of government mentioned above). It can be helpful to share stories with them about big changes that have happened over time, like women’s suffrage and the Civil Rights Movement, via age-appropriate books or movies.
Encourage your child to think about a problem they would like to see changed in their world and help them pursue that change. Give them the autonomy to identify an issue in your household, neighborhood, school, or community that they would like to influence, and help them make a plan to address it. Maybe it’s getting all family members on board with being better at turning off lights, or cleaning up an area on your street that has been littered on, or writing a letter to the school administration to make a case for why silent lunch is a terrible idea. Or maybe it’s fundraising to contribute to a larger issue. The idea is that your child can be empowered to be a change agent instead of feeling like a passive observer, which sets the stage for future civic engagement.
Recognize burnout in yourself and in them. Take time off and focus on other things as needed. Modeling the ability to create healthy boundaries is essential.

In addition, talk to your children about your own thinking and beliefs on the topic, and what components of it resonate the most with you and why. Allow the space for them to come to their own conclusion on this issue or any others, and for them to choose the parts that resonate the most with them. Opening up this avenue of communication with your child benefits you by helping you clarify your own stance on an issue, and also provides a neat opportunity to understand the views your child has on the world and sets them up for a lifetime of civic engagement.

Adapted from the author’s interview with The Woman Project.

Finding True Mom Friends

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Jackie Hennessey

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March 23, 2018

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So you have a lot of Facebook friends. More on Twitter or Instagram? That’s awesome. But social media aside, how do you feel about your friends? The people you surround yourself with on a daily, weekly or monthly basis? Are they true friends? Or do you often feel like finding true friends isn’t as easy as you thought? (Especially since becoming a mom?)

It’s hard to admit, but I get it. I feel you. I understand more than you could ever know.

I moved back to Rhode Island, my husband’s home state, more than a dozen years ago. And when I did, I was a bit naïve about making mom friends in a new neighborhood. Naïve about moms and their motives. Growing up in Texas then moving to East Greenwich, Rhode Island in high school, then back to Texas and then Seattle for another decade (sigh), I honestly thought it would be easy to transition to a suburb outside of Providence with a toddler and another baby on the way. But it wasn’t easy.

I’m a social butterfly at heart and although moving can be hard, I’ve learned to adapt to my surroundings. Adapt to change. And I have made a lot of amazing friends along the way.

But I also learned who my true friends are. Without naming names, let’s just say since becoming a mom, I learned a lot about toxic people. And I grew up. And grew brave.

One of my best friends is a very positive person and she has taught me a lot about true friendship. Unconditional friendship. Friendship without flakiness. Or pettiness. Or judgment. I’m so grateful for her friendship and positive outlook.

When I became a new mom, I wish I had a manual of some kind to help me distinguish between a true friend and a toxic Tammy. A friend and a future frenemy. A faux friend and the real deal.

It’s not that easy. Like anything, you have to live and learn. I’m grateful for genuine, close friends. The kind you have for a long time but may not get to see often, and without effort, can literally pick up where you left off. It’s so refreshing. I made a lot of great friends and have maintained true friendships since becoming a mom.

But I also learned that there are some friends who appear to be true and can turn on you. Just like that.

I remember telling a work friend (who became a very close friend in a very short amount of time) about a person I had considered to be a close friend. After moving here, about a year went by and out of nowhere, this close friend stopped returning my calls, texts, and emails. There was no argument or major event that shouted that we were no longer friends. Just her odd, often rude behavior. We were very close for a long time, so I just assumed she was busy. Then my dear work friend said something to me that opened my eyes. “She doesn’t sound like a good friend to me.” And you know what? She was right. That person was ignoring me on purpose and I, often the optimist who tries to think the best of everyone, was temporarily blind to her complacent behavior. This person was not treating me well and it took me a while to realize the friendship wasn’t meant to be. We didn’t share the same values and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t change myself or her mind. And why should I? I like who I am. I could send her love and light, but I didn’t have to put up with her behavior anymore. Because I had moved on and as a result, made even more meaningful friendships.

So, you live and learn.

And sometimes get hurt a little. Or a lot. But you also grow and find even more magical people along the way. Friends who are even more genuine. More authentic. I want to say “more better,” but that’s not the proper way to say it.

The little girl in me often relies on what my mom taught me about friendship. That you treat others the way you would want to be treated. It’s pretty simple.

Do you remember the Girl Scouts’ song, “Silver and Gold?”

Without getting all sappy: “Make new friends and keep the old. Some are silver and the other gold.”

I’m 46 and I still see the truth in this.

Three Amazing Parts of Motherhood I Was So Not Expecting

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Laura Tancrelle

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March 22, 2018

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I’m pretty sure that in order to have an interest in pushing a baby out of your nether regions, you need to have some pretty positive ideas about how this whole thing is going to go. You go into motherhood knowing it’ll be tough, but hoping that there will be some redeeming value in all the long nights and toddler (or teenager) tantrums. You look forward to milestones, vacations, and other big moments in your child’s life. But there are a few sweetly unexpected things that I also love about being a mom.

Forming Our Own Traditions

Before my sons were born, I knew there were things I couldn’t wait to do with them. Bringing them to Disney World, having pizza night at our favorite place, trips to the library, and celebrating Christmas were a few things that my husband and I couldn’t wait to share with them. But parenthood has changed us, and our sons have their own personalities and preferences. So there have been new traditions and hobbies that are just as sweet. Bagels and snuggling on the couch on weekend mornings. Trips to Target (with a mandatory stop in the Lego aisle). Cuddling in mom and dad’s bed before lights out. Dance parties to my son’s crazy eclectic taste in music. And the best part is, we keep developing and honing these traditions. They change over the years as my boys grow, and each iteration is just as sweet as the one before. Even though the things I was excited about before their birth have turned out well overall, some of them don’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped. My favorite pizza place? My budding musician is so crazy distracted by the jukebox in the booth that he doesn’t eat a bite and we end up spending the whole meal reminding him to sit down in his seat. But the new traditions are tailored specifically to them, which makes them work perfectly (well, as perfectly as anything works with little ones).

Watching Them With Their Grandparents

I loved my grandparents, but I wasn’t particularly close with any of them. So although I knew my parents and in-laws were pumped to be grandparents, I wasn’t prepared for how amazing it would be to watch their relationship with my children develop as they took on this new role. In some ways, it’s changed them as much as being a mom has changed me. My mother, who would have sooner died than let a can of Play-Doh into her home when I was a kid, purchased her very own Play-Doh kit and uses it with my son AT HER HOME on a weekly basis. Carpets be darned, she’s playing with her grandson! I’m so impressed how this tiny human has changed everyone for the better. I literally have never seen my father-in-law so happy as when he sees his grandchildren. Usually pretty serious, he’s as bubbly as a cheerleader when those two little boys arrive at his house.

Watching the grandparents share things they love with my children is also such a joy. Each has their own interests and talents and my sons love exploring them all, from making pizza with Nonni to shooting hoops with Pa to doing puzzles with Gram. Watching them bond and enjoy things together is one of the sweetest things I’ve seen. And although I might feel a twinge of sadness when my son chooses to stay at their house a while longer instead of coming home, it means more to me than I ever would have guessed to have four people who make him feel as safe, loved, and comfortable in their homes as he feels in ours.

Seeing Things From Another Perspective

Although every child has their own unique personality from birth, they’re clean slates in terms of knowledge. So many concepts that I take for fact, my son has shown me are merely opinions. For instance, I thought that everyone loves to win. My son could not care less. He will gleefully exclaim, “you won Mom!” at the end of a board game with as much enthusiasm as he would if it was him crossing that finish line. He’s also thrilled to receive more than one of the same toy. He loves opening ‘blind bags’ with his dad, the kind of tiny toys (or total junk, whichever your perspective) that you buy without knowing what you’re getting. Most kids would be bummed if they got more than one of the same, but he just yells, ‘duplicate!’ with a huge smile on his face.

His positive outlook on life is seriously inspiring to his “glass half empty” kind of parents. Recently we had to cancel a much-anticipated family vacation less than 24 hours before we were due to leave. I was dreading telling him, but I explained that his brother was too sick to go and that we would go in a few months instead. “Oh, okay,” he replied, totally distracted by a piece of mail. And he hasn’t mentioned it since. As much as I’m sure that his confusion about the concept of time contributed to this reaction (‘tomorrow’ and ‘in a few months’ mean basically the same thing to him), his sunny outlook on life was also a factor here, and an amazing perspective for his father and I to witness.

As much as we moms complain about the rough parts of raising tiny humans, it really has some amazing redeeming factors. I love the ones I’ve discovered so far, and I’m looking forward to finding even more of them as my kids grow, change, and develop.

Ode to the Stale Easter Eggs: A Family Tradition

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Ashley Lint

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March 21, 2018

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“Get away from the windows you cheaters!”

This was something that was said every year in my childhood. We just wanted to take a peek, to see where those eggs were hidden. Even if it would provide us no real advantage once the chaos began. That never stopped us from trying though, year after year.

I come from a large family. Not an “oh, I have five cousins” large; a “we have to rent a hall for Thanksgiving” large. We don’t see each other as often as we’d like, but twice a year we manage to bring (almost) everyone together to catch up and enjoy our big loud family. Easter is coming up and as a parent, it makes me happy to see my daughters get to share in the same traditions I was a part of all those years ago.

The Easter egg hunt was a true sight to see. Gaggles of children ranging from tiny toddlers to brooding teenagers all lined up according to age waiting impatiently for their chance at a few 30-year-old candy eggs. Those eggs! I have many memories of my Nana, but none more prominent than those disgusting marshmallow eggs; some still wrapped in their plastic. These eggs were for hunting purposes only. If you dared to bite one you’d surely lose a tooth or five. This fact did not stop us from daring a younger unsuspecting cousin from trying one; just like we had been dared to do years before — our own gang initiation if you will.

The hunt itself was a true full contact sport. If it didn’t end with someone in tears, it almost felt incomplete. The uncles took it upon themselves to hide the eggs in the most obscure places, including but not limited to a leaf pile, the trash can, or on the tires of cars. Climbing and shoving was a given, tripping and pushing was the norm. These are moments I will always look back on and smile.

We’re grown now, and some of us have children of our own, but the tradition continues. The children line up by age with bags and baskets at the ready. The uncles who once hunted themselves now get to hide the eggs in the worst possible places. There is still shoving, pushing and tears; but there are also smiles, giggles, and bonds being formed by yet another generation of cousins.

Someday, in the not so distant future, these gatherings will end and we won’t see nearly as much of each other as we’d all like. But we’ll always have our memories of Nana watching us from the stairs and now our parents watching our children run and play, and while my children may not get to experience the joys of the stale Easter eggs firsthand, I will happily share my memories with them in hopes that someday they’ll do the same with the next generation.

Saying No (To Others) Has Made Me a Better Mom

By

Amelia Sugerman

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March 20, 2018

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say no better mom anxiety Providence Moms Blog

An open letter to my fellow moms dealing with anxiety,

Do you feel guilty for saying no? Do you feel overwhelmed with a calendar of plans and little time to yourself? I’m here to tell you that it really is okay to say no every so often. In fact, it may even help. I have always been the queen of the word yes. My pre-baby weekends were jam-packed with parties, lunch dates, trips, and a quest to stay fully engulfed in the Providence restaurant scene.

I left little time for myself. I have now realized that staying busy has been a coping mechanism for my anxiety — something that years of therapy helped to discover. There are times when I continue taking on more and more responsibilities/tasks/events until I just physically can’t anymore. This often leads to a breakdown of feelings and emotions.

As I emotionally prepared for the role of being a new mother, I was worried that life would seem even busier, and that gone were the days of stacking the weekends with a plethora of activities in order to avoid being bored or having extra time to get anxious.

Fourteen months later, I’ve come to the conclusion that being a mom has altered the way that I look at anxiety. I’m here to tell you that it has actually improved at times. So what’s the secret? Being a mom has allowed me to say no. More importantly, it has finally required me to say no to others. This is not about using my child as an excuse to skip a baby shower or a birthday party. It’s about making choices for my mental health. After a busy week at work and an even busier nightly routine with my son, there are some Saturday mornings when we just need to stay in our pajamas or go to the farmers market as a family. We love our friends (and even their kids birthday parties) but sometimes we just have to say no to prevent a mommy meltdown.

Don’t get me wrong: I hate saying no. I hate saying no to my husband, son, parents, sibling, friends, family, and co-workers. I wish I could be in a million places at once. I wish we could go non-stop and still have the fuel to make it through every day and every week and every year. Unfortunately, even the super moms are not made for that. Sometimes, you just have to say no.

What is the “Perfect” Sibling Age Gap?

By

Sara

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March 19, 2018

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Over the years I have read lots of articles about the “perfect” age gap between children. What I have learned from the copious numbers of theories is that there is no one answer. For every expert who says to have kids close together, there are two who say that you should space them out a bit. For every friend who told me to have them in quick succession so I could get over diapers and teething at the same time, there were others who warned me that this was exhausting and not a great idea. As an only child, I was headed into uncharted waters by even considering a second child regardless of how many years were between Thing 1 and Thing 2. What were we going to do?

Ultimately we decided on a 4 to 5 year age gap and hoped that the pregnancy gods would cooperate. To be honest, our decision was fueled by two things. The first was that our daughter was becoming slightly more self-sufficient. She was not in diapers, she was sleeping through the night and was able to get herself a snack or drink. The fact that life was a bit easier with her made it seem as though it would be a good time to throw another kid into the mix. The second factor was financial. If the second child was born when she was 5-years-old, we would only have one year of overlapping preschool/daycare costs before she started public school. While that one year would be incredibly expensive it would only be one year. With these theories in mind, we jumped in and ended up with a 4 year, 7-month difference in age.

Pros

Let’s start with the pros. The first ones became clear from the beginning. We only had one child who wore diapers, required feedings and kept us awake at night. I did not have to worry about what a toddler was getting into while I was feeding a baby. I was not nursing one and potty training another. My daughter was well-established in preschool and so my maternity leave could be spent focusing on my son. She was also fascinated by her little brother and at least initially did not see him as a threat to her turf. After all, she had a good run as an only child and seemed happy to share the spotlight (for the time being). Our decision about it being more financially reasonable to space them apart proved true. Though we paid a lot for childcare, we did not need to buy a second crib, car seat, or highchair since we could reuse the ones we had. We also had plenty of non-gender-specific hand-me-downs so I did not feel as though I was on the Children’s Place and Target websites every day.

Drawbacks

As my children have gotten older, I am seeing more of the challenges associated with a larger age gap. My kids have very few common interests, which means that very often we are running in two different directions when it comes to activities. This does not just apply to clubs or sports – it means two different theaters for two different movies or a teenage daughter who wants to get a pedicure and an 8-year-old son who wants to run around the playground for two hours. It is a lot of divide and conquer. When we do force them to agree on an activity, you would think it was two lawyers fighting it out in court. Our younger one very often wants to do whatever his sister is doing and she equally often wants nothing to do with him. In addition, if I had a nickel for every time my son said, “how come she gets to do that and I don’t?” or for every time my daughter said, “hey, you didn’t let me do that when I was his age!” I would be retiring tomorrow. They are not natural playmates and more often than not they just want to do their own thing. Some of this could be attributed to their personalities or perhaps gender, but the age gap may exacerbate some of these natural differences.

I always tell myself that when they get older they will get along better. Somehow, when they have to band together, the difference in age will just melt away. I think I will just keep saying that and hope it will come true. Until then, I will put on my chauffeur cap and figure out which kid I am taking where.

Brain Dump

Using A Nice Planner

One Hour of Intentional Breathing Space

So how do you involve children in civic action and democratic processes?

Forming Our Own Traditions

Watching Them With Their Grandparents

Seeing Things From Another Perspective

Pros

Drawbacks

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