Six Totally Random Tips for Disney With Little Ones

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January 11, 2018

Disney Tips Little Ones Providence Moms Blog — Photo by Thomas Kelley on Unsplash

You may have read my recent post about how petrified I was to take my two small children on a Disney vacation with me and my husband. Well, we survived, and returned (mostly) unscathed. We had a few bumps in the road, but we got through them and have some better ideas for next time. In the interest of you not making the same mistakes I did, here are my six completely random tips for doing Disney with little ones.

Bring Essentials on the Plane

Literally five minutes before we were leaving for the airport, my husband put his hand on my three year old’s forehead and asked me, “does he feel warm to you?” Knowing that my dear hubs is sort of a hypochondriac when it comes to our kids, I ~~huffed~~ walked over and felt my son’s forehead. I was totally prepared to tell my husband that he was nuts, but gee, he did feel a little warm. Five minutes before leaving for the airport is NOT a fun time to find out your kid has a 101 fever. But you know what would have been a million times worse? Finding this out while trapped in a metal vessel forty thousand feet in the air. Because Mom packed the ibuprofen… in the checked luggage. So whatever it is that you think your kid might need in an emergency, just carry it on. You can thank me later.

Don’t Skip Going Just Because You Have a Baby

My older son was three on this trip and my younger son was seven months. Guess who was much easier to travel with? Answer: the baby. He doesn’t walk (run away), doesn’t talk (complain), and his needs are pretty basic. When he’s tired he just passes out instead of throwing an epic tantrum on the ground of the Magic Kingdom (not that there’s ANY way my older guy did that). He slept fine (my older son was up half the night trying to talk to my husband) and didn’t have the horrible cold my older son had. Of course babies can’t go on the more thrilling rides, but since this is Disney, there are plenty of options for them. I’m not saying that you should go to Disney FOR the baby; I’m just pointing out that you shouldn’t let the baby’s presence cross out a trip that would be fun for the rest of the family.

Joffrey’s Coffee Carts

If you’re a mom, you love/need coffee. And if you’re from Rhode Island, you probably want your coffee iced (especially in the Orlando heat). The first few days at Disney, we visited Starbucks in the park for our caffeine fix. But the lines there were seriously longer than the lines for some rides! Then on our last full day, I was hanging around Tomorrowland in the Magic Kingdom when I saw a beautiful sight! A Joffrey’s coffee cart with NO line! But would they have iced coffee? A quick perusal of the menu appeared to indicate no, but then in teensy, tiny letters at the bottom of the menu I saw the words ‘All beverages are available iced.’ I seriously have not been that excited in years. A bit of research on my part shows that Joffrey’s coffee is available in all four parks and the Transportation and Ticket Center. And I never saw a line at one! So if you’re looking for a cold caffeine fix, they’re a great option.

Where Should I Nurse??

I am totally down with nursing in public. My baby’s need to eat is way more important than some people being upset that they can see all of one square inch of breast tissue. My issue is that my current nursling is a nosy little fellow who gets very distracted. This leads to two major problems if I try to feed him around a lot of other people. First, he doesn’t get enough milk, and second, I’m constantly trying to cover myself just in case of nipple slippage. Hot and humid weather do not lend themselves to wearing a cover, and sometimes the park’s one baby care center was a five minute walk away, so I would find myself a private-ish place to sit and park my double stroller in front of myself. Voila, we’re alone!! I mean, that behemoth stroller has to be good for something. (Alternately, I brought my guy on the Carousel of Progress; he got a great feeding and loved the singing!)

First Stop, Must Dos

As my husband and I were getting ready to head out of the Magic Kingdom on our last day, my three year old said to me, ‘I can’t wait to go on the train ride with you guys!’ Oops. We had zero time to go on this ride but we had repeatedly told him we would ride it ‘next time’ we were in the park… like since the first day we were there. Since the train ride is front and center at the entrance to the park, it had caught my little one’s eye as soon as we’d arrived. But now we had a bus to the airport to catch, so we basically had to tell him no. I felt horrible and was actually more upset about it than he was. I get major mom guilt just writing about it. So don’t be like me; ride that darn must-do ride first thing, first day in the park. Because you know what? If you have time, you can just do it again!

Embrace the Chaos

If you’re a parent, I assume you’ve kissed the concept of perfection goodbye. The perfect holiday, the perfect family photo, the perfect vacation. They just aren’t possible with the mini humans running around. This fact is even truer at Disney. There’s so much to see and do there. Combine that with the cost, the heat, and the walking and there is major hot mess potential. So prepare yourself before you leave – this vacation will not be perfect. My son had a fever/cold and was majorly sleep deprived. We still had a good time and made some nice memories. Please let go of the concept of getting your money’s worth. The only things we get our money’s worth out of at my house are diapers. If you and your family are hot, crabby, and tired, leave the park and take a break. I could make a list of all the things I wish we did differently. I wish I took more pictures, I wish we went on more rides, I wish my child wasn’t petrified of the characters; but this is the beautiful mess that we sign up to embrace as parents. Don’t let the fact that you paid an arm and a leg make you forget that.

I was exhausted by the end of our trip, but in no way did I regret it. Come to think of it, I rarely regret going anywhere with my kids. That’s why I had them — I want to share my life with them. One day they probably won’t want to hang out with me all the time, so I’ve got to stock up on memories now. And we definitely made a bunch on this trip.

“I’m Not a Regular Mom, I’m a Cool Mom”

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Chelsea Boucher

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January 10, 2018

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Before children (B.C.) there is this lust for life in you like no other. You can stay up late, you can sleep in, be hungover, call out of work, go on vacations, eat sitting down, and so on. Then all of sudden, kids.

Now I’m not a huge fan of pumping up one’s own ego, but I thought I was relatively cool before having a child. People seemed to enjoy me, for the most part, and I always had a great time when I went out. Now, I just don’t go out. Going out is hard. Finding a babysitter is hard. Staying awake is hard.

But I’m still cool, right?

I have to say one of the most difficult parts of the transition to motherhood is the idea of “self.” Who am I anyway? It was hard enough to define that B.C. Now I am this totally different human being, now responsible for another human being, playing an entirely new role, but at the same time expected to be myself. Who exactly am I again?

Whoever I am, I hope I’m still cool.

After having my son, I remember going through a period I would describe as grieving. I was missing the person I was before him. I missed my freedom, my alone time, my body; the list goes on and on. At the same time, I had this indescribable bond with my brand spanking new baby. I didn’t want anyone else to help me. I wanted to be there to experience everything first hand.

After a few very LONG weeks of that, I realized there has to be some balance. I have to find that space between who I was and who I am. I knew there had to be some of ME left, but also wanted to fully accept this person, this mother, I was becoming.

Finding my new identity, or my “cool mom” self.

I found myself peeling away little by little. Taking the time to go walk the aisles of Target, while sipping the most devine iced latte. Or closing my eyes while getting a pedicure, or even just going for a drive ALONE. It was in those moments that I found myself again. It was when I allowed myself to breathe. Rebirthed and ready to take on my new life.

There is just too little out there that relates to that rawness after birth, too few reminders that you are not alone, or that you are not selfish for feeling the way you do. Becoming a mother is a beautiful and empowering transition, but it’s so important we don’t lose ourselves along the way.

20 Ways to Tell if Someone is a Good Mom Friend

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Jackie Hennessey

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January 9, 2018

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As a mom, you learn something new every day. I’ve learned a lot through the years, believe me. And I’ve come to realize there’s one thing you can’t register for before your first baby shower: mom friends.

When you become a new mom, you think making friends will be as effortless as it was in high school, college, or your early marriage years. But it’s not. It can be challenging. And disappointing.

I feel so blessed to have dear friends who are there for me unconditionally. Not just when I need their support. But when they need mine too. There to help from carpooling to conversation, impromptu stop-overs to perfectly-timed girls’ nights. And uplifting walks to the beach.

I’ve counted on my friends during weekend get-aways, snowstorms, hurricanes, family illnesses, surgeries, deaths of loved ones, and other challenging times when I feel like I need a proverbial village to get through the day. We also enjoy hanging out for no particular reason, except to enjoy whine, cheese and cocktails together, swap stories, and belly laugh until we almost pee in our dressy pants.

But I’ve also experienced the complete opposite: toxic mom friends. People you thought were your friends, but due to unforeseen circumstances, cause you more harm than happiness. More sadness than satisfaction. People who quite frankly, weren’t meant to be your friends, but came into your life for a season. And a reason.

Below are 20 ways to tell whether someone is worth your time and friendship. Nothing will replace living and learning, but little hints could help prevent a future friend-astrophy.

20 ways to tell if someone is a good mom friend:

1. They’re there for you even when times are tough.
2. They’re there for you even when they don’t need anything.
3. They take the time to listen.
4. They take the time to send a thoughtful text. To post a kind sentiment, even when they’re busy breastfeeding, mommy ubering, or working around the clock.
5. They get it. They get YOU.
6. You look forward to hearing from them. And they look forward to hearing from you too.
7. You speak highly of her and she of you.
8. You look forward to her call, text, or email.
9. It’s a grin-grin, win-win fest when you get together during good times, and a grey-day-but-it’s-OK when times are tough.
10. Even if it’s been a long time since you got together due to kids and life in general, you pick up where you left off. I have dear friends I don’t get to see on a weekly or monthly basis, but when we do, it’s like we never spent time apart.
11. They’re thoughtful.
12. They treat you to coffee or tea just because.
13. They’re generous with words, time, and friendship.
14. They don’t gossip about you.
15. They aren’t petty or hold grudges.
16. They tell you if something is wrong.
17. They’re happy for you.
18. They’re supportive.
19.They’re for you, not against you.
20. And lastly, to borrow from Bridget Jones, they like you just the way you are. xo

Be Who You Needed When You Were a New Parent

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Alana DiMario

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January 8, 2018

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This one goes out to all of you caring, lovely, knowledgeable people who want nothing more than to ease the path ahead for the mother and baby in front of you at any given moment.

For the well-intentioned among us, the people who have a few years or decades on their parenting resume, I have one simple request: be who you needed when you were a new parent.

Take a second to think about who that would have been.

It probably was not someone who told you your baby needed a hat on.

It probably was not someone who insinuated you were inadequately feeding your baby.

It probably was not someone who told you that you were doing irreparable harm to your baby by sleep training and/or not sleep training.

It probably was not someone who violated you or your baby’s personal space without permission.

It definitely was not someone who couldn’t take the hint that your breasts, your sleeping arrangements, your plans for future babies, and/or your decisions about work and childcare weren’t matters open to public comment.

Here’s the thing: I know most people mean well; that they are just trying to help. I also know that most of us want to believe that the choices we have made in our own parenting histories were the right ones. When our brains receive any information that contradicts beliefs we hold about anything, we have two choices: one, we alter our beliefs to accommodate this new information, or two, we find a reason to discount this information.

So when we have a belief about something like helping our babies and ourselves get the rest or nutrition they need, we want to believe that the choices we made were the right ones, even five, ten, or twenty years later. And you know what? They probably were. For our particular babies, in that particular moment in our parenting lives and in the lives of our families, they probably were the right choices.

People make the best decisions they can with the information they have at the time.

Even new parents. Especially new parents. I cannot overstate to you the extent to which new parents take in all the information with the goal of making the best decision they can.

They have thought about how to dress their baby that day.

They have consulted books and the internet and their pediatrician and experts about feeding their baby.

They have learned their baby’s cues and gone through wakeful nights and altered routines to help everyone get the sleep they need.

They have struggled with the risks versus benefits of getting out of the house with their baby on the day you encounter them, so for the love of all that is holy please don’t touch their baby’s tiny hands with your questionably germ infested hands and make them regret this Target run.

They have worked each day to master breastfeeding, regaining their equilibrium in their relationship with their partner, thinking about if they could ever do it all again, and adjusting to life as a stay at home or working parent with all that comes along with it.

Trust me, they have Googled it.

This doesn’t mean that if their choices are different from yours that they are wrong. It doesn’t mean you are wrong. It does mean that you might want to take a moment to adjust your belief that there is One True Way to do any of it. It’s also important to remember that best practices change over time. When we know better, we do better. Parents are advised to give Vitamin D now instead of iron supplements. They keep their kids rear facing in car seats for longer because research shows us it’s safer, not because they want to be difficult or make you feel bad that you did it differently years ago. They now know that sometimes “colic” is a food sensitivity and make choices accordingly, so please don’t dismiss the way they have learned to accommodate their baby’s needs.

Be who you needed when you were a new parent.

Tell them their baby is gorgeous. Tell them they look wonderful. Tell them you know how much it can take to get out of the house, and that you are rooting for them.

Go ahead and ask your new mom coworker how introducing solid foods is going, and then just listen. If she says she is looking for new recipes to try, feel free to send her that helpful website. If she started with a different food than you did, or later or earlier than you did, but it seems to be going well based on how she is talking about it – trust her.

If you have a new parent in your life who seems to be struggling, ask how you can help. Share resources if appropriate. Listen. Remember the time in your early days of parenting when you didn’t have all the answers, and tell them about your own uncertainty so they don’t feel alone. Commiserate. And listen some more.

If we want new parents to feel comfortable asking for help when they need it, we need to be better at giving help when it’s needed. Let’s all try to be better at honoring their journey instead of just justifying our own.

The Day My Parenting Anxiety Peaked

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Jane Cole

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January 7, 2018

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We’ve all had those days where we have been consumed by a tiny creature riddled with germs. Yes — I’m talking about the dreaded fever days with a toddler. I can still replay most of the day in slow motion even three years later. My eighteen month old daughter had been sick for two days in a row. It was a Sunday around noon, and I knew my husband was about to leave for work. This meant it was my only opportunity to escape the grasp of my very clingy girl, so I ran into the shower. I’d spent the last twenty-four hours so close to her that I could feel the germs. The water was hot and I was feeling the grit and grime wash away along with some of the stress of having a sick kiddo.

And then it happened.

My husband came in and said, “you need to get out of the shower right now.” I’m not proud of the next thoughts that went through my head. I couldn’t believe that he was bothering me during these fifteen minutes of relief. Begrudgingly, I stepped out of the shower, wrapped myself in a towel, and walked out of the bathroom to see what possibly couldn’t wait for me to even wash my hair.

Stepping out of that bathroom rocked my entire world. In my husband’s arms was an almost unresponsive little girl. I could tell she was breathing, but the look of panic on my husband’s face was unmistakable. I have no idea what he said to me for the next five minutes except he convinced me to get dressed and be ready for the ambulance when it arrived. He told me statistics that I would never remember. He had ice packs all around my girl and just kept talking to her. It was the longest five minutes of my life. My dog watched and didn’t even bark at the stream of men that ran into our house to retrieve “his baby” and me. It was like he knew they were there to help. In a whirlwind, we were rushed off to the hospital in an ambulance.

The EMTs were amazing and reassured me that my husband had responded exactly the right way and that she would be okay. My beautiful girl had had a febrile seizure. In the coming months, I would scour the internet for every piece of information I could find to avoid this ever happening again. And while we minimized the episodes, it would happen a few more times.

When we arrived at the hospital I was shocked at the response we received. Questions like:

Are you sure it was a seizure?

Why did you come to the ER? It was ONLY a febrile seizure.

Had you checked her temperature?

How long was the seizure? Did you time it?

I sat in shock when medical professionals didn’t understand that my tiny baby had just had a seizure! I brought her to the ER because, well, she had a seizure! Of course we had checked her temperature and had given her medicine but clearly it wasn’t enough. And I have no idea how long the seizure was. It felt like an hour, but it was probably closer to 1 or 2 minutes. The doctor came in and informed us that she was well enough to take home, and that if she had another one we could keep her home because febrile seizures weren’t a big deal and don’t cause any long term damage. While my extensive research supported his statements, they didn’t come close to easing my anxiety that day. What I needed them to say was that I couldn’t have done anything to avoid a febrile seizure and she will be okay.

Febrile seizures happen and most aren’t avoidable.

They come on due to extreme increase (or decrease) in temperature and children will most likely outgrow them by five to six years old. My daughter is now five and I still check her temperature at the slightest sniffle. Luckily for us, she’s been seizure free for a little over a year. I’m not sure how long it will take my anxiety around fevers to fade, but to any mom in the thick of it I would tell them: you couldn’t have avoided this, and your child will be okay.

Please note that while febrile seizures present no long term harm, I am in no way saying not to seek medical attention. Any and all children experiencing a seizure should be seen by a medical professional.

The Juggle Struggle is Real…and Sometimes I Make it Harder

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Kim Votruba-Matook

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January 5, 2018

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Everywhere I go, lists and piles follow. At work, I am reading emails, stacking piles of work in order of deadline, and making lists of what I need to do when I get home. In “spare moments” I am ticking through emails on my phone. At home, I walk by piles of laundry to be folded, toys to be put away, magazines to read, events and shows to attend as a business vendor, bills to pay, recipes I want to try; the lists and piles go on and on. Not to mention the continuous ticker running in my head, mentally adding items to my lists (which I then forget a few minutes later because I didn’t write them down.)

Organizing lists simultaneously provides comfort while instigating overwhelm. I love the structure of a list as well as the physical writing. But then, I keep writing. My solace quickly turns to terror; the enormity of tasks on my multiple lists is preposterous. I will never get this all done.

And really, I won’t. So why do I keep trying to do it all?

Honestly, I don’t know. Call it perseverance. Or fear of failing. Maybe even denial. Call it whatever you want, but trying to do everything and always thinking there is more I MUST DO is a juggle and a struggle and unsustainable. I need to change my thinking and how I operate. I need to know when enough is enough. Or I am going to burn out by the end of this blog post. So here we go. Time to work through this.

There is a great book by Peter Reynolds called “So Few of Me” where the main character, Leo, is very busy. He makes lists too. So much so that he wishes there were more of him to finish the work. And he gets his wish ten times over. But – spoiler alert – it doesn’t help. My husband and I love reading this book with our kids because it is a reminder for us, too, to slow down. Does the reminder always work? Clearly not. But we always take pleasure in the read. And it helps me remember that I am choosing to create urgency where it may not be needed.

In that vein, our society’s sense of urgency has been completely shifted due to technology. If our smart phone pings, we feel compelled to check it right away. Why? It’s probably a spam email. We know this, yet we hope that it is a meaningful email, text, or social media post. In my world, I see this distortion of urgency translate to prioritizing tasks. I want everything done now. THEN I can feel productive and accomplished. I can get that hit of dopamine for a job well done. THEN I can relax. There is always that hope of completion.

But that has never happened. I am waiting for a result that will never come in the way I imagine it to exist. I need to decide to stop being busy. That is scary.

And then I remember…I have a spouse. He is awesome. He cooks, does dishes, helps with my business, is an engaged father, and an incredibly supportive husband, among many other great attributes. We are a team. And I am shocked and ashamed at how I forget that at times. he is figuring out how to adult every day just like me. He is working his tail off and needs support too. We talk about issues and concerns as they come up and we tag-team a bunch of stuff, too. So the more I paint a picture here, the more I see the need for me to be running around “doing stuff” as ridiculous.

This is helpful. Light is beginning to glimmer. Moving forward, before I decide to do something I need to ask myself if it is necessary in this exact moment…or do I just feel compelled to tick something off my list? The latter cannot dictate my time anymore. I can change my definition of productivity.

I know, the laundry will always need folding. There will always be bills, too. Lots of tasks will always be there. And we can do them if we take a more collaborative stance. If we communicate more. If we reach out and ask for help. Take time to gain perspective through the blessings we have. Reassess urgency. And when making lists, take comfort in the writing as well as the notion that a team effort will win the day.

Do You Make This Common Car Seat Mistake?

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Laura Tancrelle

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January 4, 2018

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Let’s face it, every mama has an area or two of parenting that she’s super anal about. Whether it’s organic foods, staying on a schedule, or bundling kids up like crazy, everyone’s got something that they feel is important enough to make a big deal out of it. For me, it’s car seat safety. Nothing terrifies me like my child being inside a big metal container hurtling 65 miles an hour down the highway. I did a lot of research to make sure I have my children in an appropriate seat, that they are installed correctly, and they are strapped in the way they should be, as do many parents.

But did you know there’s one item of clothing that your children probably wear daily in the winter that keeps them from being safely strapped into their car seat? It’s their winter jacket. Basically, puffy or long winter coats make it so there’s a ton of space between your child’s body and the car seat straps, even after you tighten them as much as possible. If you’re in an accident, all that space can mean your precious baby can hit their head on the seat in front of them, or literally FLY OUT OF THEIR CAR SEAT. So this winter, please, please find an alternative that will keep your little loves toasty warm AND safe in the car. I’ve heard people complain before that it’s too much bother to deal with this along with all the other things that we have to keep track of as parents. Of course no mom or dad wants an extra item added to their to-do list, but the safety of your favorite little people is worth it. There are plenty of solutions, from wearing a thin coat (like one made of fleece), warming up the car beforehand, or keeping blankets in the car. To find out more, check out these great resources where I got my information here, here, and here. And keep those kiddos safe!

Just Because I CAN Do It, Doesn’t Mean I SHOULD: DIY Birthday Party Edition

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Althea Tower

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January 3, 2018

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DIY Birthday party Providence Moms Blog I am a self proclaimed DIY addict. There I said it, admitting it is half the battle, right? If I think there is a remote chance I can make it or do it myself, I will try. I would say that I have a more than 50% success rate, which only spurs me to keep doing it. Since becoming a mom, this addiction has only gotten worse. Crafts, decor, costumes, you name it, I’ll try to make it myself. But the one that has gotten a little out of hand is the birthday parties. I get these grand ideas in my head, and the execution falls anywhere in the range of coming pretty close to what was I thinking?

I always believe we can do everything ourselves and I tell myself that it will save us money. I started planning my daughter’s August ‘Moana’ party in May. Tissue paper flowers, a photo backdrop, paper palm trees, flowers for her hair, food labels–if it was tropical and I could make it out of paper, it was on my list. I collected supplies as I came across them, a little here, a little there while not realizing how quickly they were adding up. August arrived and I realized how quickly the day would be here. I started various projects but never finished any. The week of her party, I set mini goals for myself to get everything done. As usual, life happens and I began running around like a crazy person the day before the party instead of spending my time cleaning and prepping food like a normal person would do. I did that on top of finishing flowers and palm trees and arranging pineapple straws in cups.

The morning of the party, as I ran around trying to finish the essentials (food and seating) my mother said to me, as she has done after EVERY party, “maybe next year, just order food.” I ignored her at the time, but I definitely didn’t forget it. My husband and I got into an argument because he wouldn’t let me put holes in the siding of our house to hang up my beautiful decorations – can you believe the nerve of him?! Guests started arriving, and I looked out only to realize we had chairs for people to sit on but no tables. Panic set in. Thankfully more help swept in and more tables arrived shortly thereafter. I spend the beginning of the party a ball of stress, making sure things were where they’re supposed to be. The second half was a daze. I think I mentally checked out. I never took one photo of decorations I spent hours on. I didn’t even get a photo of us as a family. Isn’t that what I worked so hard on? To create a memory for my daughter she would cherish?

Do I think my daughter had a great time? I know she did. But was it because she was surrounded by friends and family and love, or amazing tissue paper Hawaiian flowers? Most likely the first option. So when my son’s first birthday was on the horizon in October, I made the decision. This party would be different. I found a great restaurant, got a quote for a menu, and brought it to my husband. I expected an ‘are you crazy?’ response, thinking the cost would be too high. Before I could even finish my proposal, he said, “absolutely! No question.” When I finally sat down to think about it, we definitely did not save money on my daughter’s party. Or stress.

Being my son’s first birthday and my reputation for parties in the past, I couldn’t NOT make anything. But I kept it simple: a banner and a few decorations, for under $20. The night before around midnight, I said out loud, “this is weird… everything is done…” and then I went to bed. I arrived at the restaurant early, put up my few decorations, and waited to spend time with family and friends. And I did. I enjoyed myself. I watched my son and my family enjoy themselves too. I even got to eat something! While it was so tough to relinquish control, it was freeing. We got to leave there full and happy and went home to relax in a clean house. It was strange, but a nice break.

So do I believe my addiction is cured? No way! I’m already planning the next party. But I have learned when to say no to myself; when to step back and enjoy these moments I try so hard to create.

The Case For Old-School New Year’s Resolutions

By

Jessica Johnson

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December 29, 2017

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On January 2nd, 1992, I was hunched over my desk, writing excitedly in my black and white composition book. The first thing I always did when I came to school was look at the chalkboard to see the morning’s writing prompt. It was my favorite thing. I would try to fashion poems or short stories about whatever topic Ms. V. had decided we should expound upon on any given day.

On that day, we were asked to list our New Year’s Resolutions. I had never heard of this before, or at least never cared about it before 1992. After all, I was almost 8 years old, and apparently that meant I had some goals. I wanted to learn how to dribble with my left hand, do a back flip, and read “10 big books.” In case you’re dying to know, I only accomplished two of the three goals that year–I have never been able to do a back flip. Regardless of the outcome, I was hooked to New Year’s Resolutions. Writing them, keeping them, reviewing them, and writing some more–it’s the tradition I look forward to most.

It seems like as time goes on, my beloved New Year’s Resolution tradition is getting some serious flack. I can’t understand the issue. There are plenty of other New Year’s traditions that could get the boot if you ask me. The ball dropping, lucky legume consumption, the kissing at midnight (okay-I’ll keep that one), that beautiful song that I don’t have a clue what it means. All of you resolution haters don’t question the validity of those. Regardless, resolutions are simply outdated and being replaced by positive words and thoughts and vibes. What? NO! No no no no no.

Alright, a quick confession: I can’t sit here and pretend I didn’t try it. I made a solid attempt at the key word thing. It was cool in some ways, to find my “word” and stuff, but it just wasn’t the same. It was hard to stay excited about it long-term. Nothing motivates me more towards achieving something than the clean slate of the New Year.

It’s the clean slate that makes New Year’s so exciting and motivating. The same reason I start diets on Mondays and love erasing my browser history periodically. That clean slate says you can be successful even if you never were before. It’s motivating not having the weight of the past on your back, and New Year’s Day gives us that feeling, even if it only lasts for the day.

So while many people partake in their openly-acceptable-but-still-weird traditions, you’ll find me writing a year-in-review and my painfully old-fashioned New Year Resolutions.

Ok, another confession. Even with the clean slate excitement I just went on and on about, I hardly ever accomplish my yearly goals.

Over the years, I have discovered that accomplishing the resolutions is totally not the point.

The beauty in old-school resolutions is the ability to see where you were. What you desire reveals a lot about where you place your hope. My resolutions revealed the most important things to me. What I thought personal growth looked like at that point in time and what it really looked like is all there in black and white.

Over the last 25 years I have grown, and I can see it through my years of writings. My personal resolutions have shifted from being centered on myself to how I can better serve the people around me. I don’t know if I would have ever seen that growth had I not had my collection of short lists over the years. So for that, I am thankful I made those old-school resolutions. They are not about achievement as much as they are about documenting growth in an authentic and unexpected way.

This New Year, you can go along with the culture that says itemized resolve is outdated and uncool, but I’ll always love my old-school resolutions.

If You’re Not First, You’re Last (When It Comes to Baby Albums)

By

Jackie Hennessey

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December 28, 2017

0

I assure you that this post is not about the movie starring Will Ferrell or the fictional race-car driver Ricky Bobby. But the title fits because this is about being a parent to more than one child. And how the youngest often feels compared to the first-born child’s “overly documented” babyhood.

As the baby in my family, I often felt like “If you’re not first, you’re last.” Being three years younger than my brother, he always ran faster than I did. He always hit the ball farther. And he always got the new clothes. Not the hand-me-downs.

Had the movie Talledega Nights been popular then, he probably would have yelled, “Jackie, if you’re not first, you’re last!” on the way to the ice cream truck.

Sigh.

Thankfully, I caught up to him through the years and I love him dearly. But I have to admit, there were a heck of a lot more baby photos of him. A more organized baby album. And today, as a parent of two teen children, I can honestly say, “Mom, I get it!”

When you have your first child, you have more energy. You’re excited to have finally given birth to a bundle of joy that resembles ET’s brother.You’re so excited that you literally take and develop 500 photos with your film camera. The first week they’re born.

You celebrate and document your first born child’s little and big moments.
His first crawl.
His first steps.
His first words. His first burp.
His first haircut. (And save his golden locks in a baggie.)

You document it all in pleather photo albums.
Then, if you’re like me, you have another child. You are ecstatic after meeting her. Thrilled that she has all 10 fingers and 10 toes. A sweet smile. You’re in love the moment she lets out her first cry.

You shed tears from emotion and holy poop exhaustion. Because this isn’t your first rodeo. So you just try to get through each day with your brain in tact when you’re raising a baby and a toddler. (With no sitter. And no clue.)

There’s no time to burp. Or fart. Let alone document your child’s gaseous moments.

My husband is the youngest of five children. My 86-year-old mother-in-law is one of the most organized people I know and she has separate baby albums of all her children. But I’ve seen more individual baby photos of his brother, the first born, than any of the other siblings. And I don’t even want to go into 1960’s hand-me-downs.

I’ve seen two, maybe three photos of me as a newborn baby. And one is of my brother holding me.

Yes, the struggle is real.

So the day your youngest child, the baby in the family, catches on that there’s no documentation of her first crawl?
Or her first steps?
Or her first words?
Or her first hair cut?
You feel like the worst mother in the world. There IS a photo of her first birthday party. But it was a day shared with her brother who was opening presents in the other room because they were born three years apart. (To the week.) And the lock of hair from her first haircut? It’s either somewhere in the attic or in a landfill in Johnston, RI.

Now, I love both of my kids unconditionally. (And my daughter is loved by all of us. Adored beyond words for being the only granddaughter on my side.) But when it comes to documenting the second child?

Like I said before, isn’t being a mother to a toddler and a newborn enough?

Who has time to document a second child’s first poop when you’re still trying to get the first born completely out of diapers?

Thankfully, I’ve created some albums. Thankfully, I found photos from our very-cruddy-quality video camera. Thanks to Snapfish and Shutterfly, I’ve made some photo books.

I even took a scrap-booking class for an hour and gave her a page out of my incomplete book.

What? I was working full-time and trying to make sure both kids left the house fully clothed.

Bring Essentials on the Plane

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Joffrey’s Coffee Carts

Where Should I Nurse??

First Stop, Must Dos

Embrace the Chaos

20 ways to tell if someone is a good mom friend:

Take a second to think about who that would have been.

Be who you needed when you were a new parent.

And then it happened.

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