41 and Pregnant Episode 6: I’ve Never Been This Pregnant Before

Previously on 41 and Pregnant: Gigi found silver linings in what has been an otherwise difficult pregnancy.

As I write this, I’m 32 weeks pregnant, and I’ve never been this pregnant before. My water broke with my twins at 31 weeks, and I was put on hospital bed rest. Labor progressed extremely quickly, and they were born the following morning, at 31 weeks, one day, and a few hours. I know the exact amount of pregnant that I was because they were conceived via IVF, which makes calculations really clear. So, as I crossed that mile marker with this miracle pregnancy, I was acutely aware that I was entering uncharted territory.

There were other markers I was relieved to pass—like 24 weeks as potential viability and 28 weeks for brain and stomach health. But this felt different. My emotions were and remain a lot more complicated than just relief.
I’ve never been this pregnant before. And yet, I’ve been bigger, my feet and legs have been more swollen, and I’ve had more combined baby weight inside me. I feel mostly good, although the “morning” sickness has returned, which feels highly unfair. Near the end with the twins, everything hurt and I couldn’t sleep. So, I’m grateful and pleasantly surprised that I’m sleeping well, sometimes 12 hours a night, and in general my body doesn’t hurt.

I’ve never been this pregnant before. New and strange symptoms emerge almost daily. I’m not a sleep-drooler usually; however, I now wake up with a comically wet pillow and my mouth open wide. I have to laugh at myself—pregnancy certainly strips you of your dignity. My skin crawls, and not just from stretch marks. I feel phantom bugs crawling on my face and claw at my nose and cheeks in a panic. My hair won’t hold color—not its own or any chemically added. I’m a natural platinum blonde when pregnant apparently. I didn’t have Braxton Hicks with the twins, but I did experience full 10 cm dilated labor with no meds (by accident—I’m pro pain killers!). So, at least I know this is false labor, but it’s uncomfortable nonetheless. I wonder what additional, bizarre symptoms will emerge in the coming weeks?

I’ve never been this pregnant before. I am finally allowing myself to consider the “normal” way this is supposed to happen. I might get to hold my baby immediately after birth, versus getting a quick glimpse as he’s whisked away to the NICU. I might get to hold my baby for indefinite periods of time instead of waiting two full days for any contact, and then sneaking in five or ten minutes around scheduled light and heat therapy. I might get to breastfeed this baby. This baby and I might leave the hospital together.

I’ve never been this pregnant before. I’ve never tried to summon the energy to decorate a nursery or wash baby clothes while still pregnant. I’ve never nested. No, previously those things happened between trips to the NICU to visit my babies when I was no longer pregnant. I will say it’s a lot easier to paint a nursery nonpregnant, but in no way am I complaining. I’m embracing my slower pace and knowing that it will all get done or it won’t, but regardless we will all be fine.

I’ve never been this pregnant before. Of course, I’ve also never been this old before. With the twins, I thought I had a lot of medical appointments… but holy crap it was nothing like this! This week alone, I have five separate doctors appointments. The weekly minimum until the end is four (one ultrasound, two non-stress tests, and one injection to prevent preterm labor). Throw in either one of the specialists I see for gestational diabetes and advanced maternal age, and we could be looking at as many as six appointments in a given week. Previously I said that a geriatric pregnancy is like a part-time job, but this is beginning to feel like a full-time job.
Overall I’m navigating these uncharted waters pretty well I think. I know I’m lucky to have a work schedule that allows me to attend whatever appointments I need without any issues. And I’m fortunate to have a family who is mostly self-sufficient and allows me to sleep as much as I want or need. Every day this is new for all of us because every day I’ve never been this pregnant before.